I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
