is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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