I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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