I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
only if we run a train.
done.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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