i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
