Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
