Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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