My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
