i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize