If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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