Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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