You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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