Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
