Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
