my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
