things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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