he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
