And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want to make out with him forever
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
