i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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