Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize