he thought i was a dude.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
