i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
