im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
