Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have demons in me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
