you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
