Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
