He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
