last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
