There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
