guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
