I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
