just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
