I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
