I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
