I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
