My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
