Me too!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i've created a new STD.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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