Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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