i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
