I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
