I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
