I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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