Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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