i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize