i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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