He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
