Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
