I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
