good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
