If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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