Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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