i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
