we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize