I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
