he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
