i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
