i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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