there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
4 words: hood of his car
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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