i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She said her name was "party"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize