First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
