we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
