I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
