She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize