Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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