My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
