Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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