I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
