That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize