My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
this is an emotional support booty call
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
