I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
