Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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