Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
