It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
