never play flip cup with pint glasses
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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