just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
