so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
