I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The uberlube is also flammable
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
