It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
