Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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