I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
