yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
