Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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