Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Boobs speak an international language.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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