I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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