Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
