i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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