new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
