Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
