I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
