My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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