Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
