Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My balls are so social today.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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