i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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