i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
