i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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