thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
