just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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