also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
