you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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