I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
even my farts smell like vagina
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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