He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
