remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
