He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a search helicopter?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
