I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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